Tuesday, 19 October 2010

She is haunting me

Right, I'm going to write the usual sort of bollocks I write here. I'm just going to do it a little faster so I can go to bed.

2 Job applications done (un-rejected, currently)
4 driving lessons
4 degrees Celsius tomorrow morning

I'm not sure what I'm planning for tomorrow. I work better, feel better and generally get on best with plans. Plans. I think it's a pretty cool feeling to work out how your going to take something on, it's pretty similar to the bullshit I've put into a question on an application. If it's big it can be broken down into little wedges. Let's take what I'm thinking of, there's the beginning, the point, the decision and the end. The end is based on what happens at the decision. The decision is tethered to the point. Nothing really goes on with the beginning, it's just what it has to be.

I've noticed how badly I seem to function with so little sleep. I really should make more of an effort to stay in better health and health is feeling awake and ready. Body, I feel trim and pretty strong. Mind, I'm tired, I'm deserting myself for hours at a time to daydream and think and contemplate. All I contemplate is based around so few things, I'm becoming fixated with my own plight. I've got a terrible feeling that in spite of my useful qualities I have a large void that I keep subtly highlighting in every answer I produce. I'm not fearful of never reaching my potential, I'm pretty comfortable with that, I think I always have been. I've not ever pushed hard enough and I've always taken the easy ride. It seems an awful thing to waste and even worse not to care about.

So I think I'll call you. I think you'll pick up. I'm pretty I'll physically tremble. I think I'll ramble. I think I'll forget my plan, I'll go to pieces. Maybe it's what you like about me and maybe it's what's most likeable about me. I've no idea how you feel. I know I care too much, I hope you don't realise. If you do please don't let on that you do.

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