Thursday, 14 October 2010

Hit a deer and flipped

I know it's something and nothing, but I hope you're okay. I don't have anything funny, or even real to say. When all I want to know is that you haven't forgotten me, I haven't forgotten you. I feel awkward to say anything, as there isn't any reason to say it. But that's what you can do with friends, you can say they're great and that you miss them without needing any kind of context. I've no love for context but I still don't know how to tell you I've messed up and that so have you.

It won't stop me feeling like I do. There's a lot of things that I've never been happy about, your fault, mine and everyone else's. The longer this goes on the more it seems fine in my head and actually it probably is fine, but when I think of how I'd feel if something did happen, to you, to my sister or to me, I can't imagine how everyone else would feel. I'd feel guilty, guilty for not being there. Guilty for not putting in the effort to make some things better, it's not even much effort, it's minutes to send an email. It's hours on a train. But it's years of holes. Yes, I'm pissed at you for forgetting my sister's birthday.

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